Bout recap courtesy of J.A. Huber, Quirky Kitsch Girl

August 23, 2009:
“Hot Summer Fights”

FINAL: Gainesville Roller Rebels 120, Bradentucky Bombers’ Nuclear Bombshells 78

The Hot Summer Fights roller derby bout on August 23 at Bradenton’s Florida Wheels Skate Center was an opportunity for the Bradentucky Nuclear Bombshells to redeem themselves over the Gainesville Roller Rebels. Sadly, the Rebels were victorious over the Bombshells, 120 to 78.

It all started once upon a time — well, May 17, 2009, to be exact — when the Bradentucky Nuclear Bombshells caravanned to Gator Country with a mission of taking on the Gainesville Roller Rebels on their home track. The result was a Rebels victory and their first-ever win. On a quest for a vengeance, the Bombshells trained their skates off for the past three months in anticipation of a rumble rematch to defend their home winning streak. Unfortunately for the Bombshells, the Rebels had been training for Hot Summer Fights, too.

Although the Bombshells put up an incredible fight, they were outskated by the Rebels. Lead jammer positions during the first three jams were captured by the Bombshells, Nikki Strick-9 and Yakuza Girl, yet the Rebels outscored the Bombshells thanks in part to the incredible Gainesville walls. The first half saw 18 jams while the second half had 17.

Gainesville’s lineup consisted of blockers Black-Out Brady, Handi J, Hershall Stalker, Laura Ingles Piledriver, Lethal Dose, Matriarch, Patsy Clothesline and PocaHotAss. Serving double-duty as blockers and jammers, as proper roller derby girls do, were Suzie Bonebreaker, Brawlin Brat — a Fort Myers Palm City Punishers skater making a special appearance — and Demonomia. Also making a special appearance from Fort Myers in the Gainesville line up was blocker AliSkater.

Bradentucky Nuclear Bombshells’ blocker lineup consisted of Co-Captain Prosehack, Blaque Jac, Dita Von Cheats, Malice in Rollerland, Shitz N. Giggles and Suicidoll Hotline. Alternating between jammer and blocker positions for the Bombshells were Diva Does Derby, Ester Gin N’Juice, LuLu LaRue, Nikki Strick-9, Signal 20, Toxic DeMeaner and Yakuza Girl. Making her first ever roller derby bout appearance was a true terror on the track, Ariel Nightmare. Co-Captain Mia Psycho, Vixen de CrusHer and Head Coach Bryan Wilkes kept the Bombshells in check.

To say Hot Summer Fights was a physical bout is an understatement. Both teams demonstrated they could hit and girls frequently ended up in the suicide seating zone. The Gainesville Roller Rebels’ win can be attributed to the cohesive game-play. Although most times their jammer was left to fend for herself, the Rebels’ solid wall and angle blocks limited the Nuclear Bombshells scoring efforts and kept many of the girls falling within the track.

Unfortunately, the Bombshells’ Malice in Rollerland and Blaque Jac didn’t finish the bout due to injuries sustained on the track but they went down fighting. Indeed, Aug. 23 was a sad day for the Bradentucky Nuclear Bombshells, especially on the home track, but a learning experience to move forward in kicking more roller derby butt.

First Half Highlights

Twenty seconds into the bout’s first jam, the Bombshells’ Nikki Strick-9 captured the lead jammer star yet the Rebels demonstrated some fancy skate work and moves when Matriarch slung Suzie Bonebreaker to advance her to the front of the pack leaving the score Bradentucky 2, Gainesville 5;

The third jam was a power one for Gainesville as Nuclear Bombshells’ Yakuza Girl was serving time in the penalty box for bad behavior during jam #2. The Bombshells prevented the Rebels’ Demonimia from breaking through the pack and once Yakuza Girl was released, she showed off her stealth ninja skills and with blocking assistance by Nikki Strick-9, easily captured the lead jammer position;

Diva Does Derby demonstrated sassy diva blocking on the track during the sixth jam as she helped push Nikki Strict-9 through the pack with Signal 20 and Ditea Von Cheats executing a barrage of hits against the Rebels;

Suzie Bonebreaker captured lead jam status for the Rebels during the seventh jam with the Bombshells’ Shitz N. Giggles and Arial Nightmare sitting in the penalty box. Prosehack and Suicidoll Hotline executed tag-team blocking to slow Suzie;

Jam 11 was a boondoggle of mayhem with derby girls hitting the floor every which way. Ester Gin N’Juice battled for lead jammer status against Suzie Bonebreaker with Suzie capturing the lead star. Diva Does Derby placed a solid block on Matriarch which allowed Ester to break through the pack.

Yakuza Girl showed off her karate concentration and agility by weaving in and around the Gainesville pack to capture the lead jammer status during jam 13;

Brawlin Brat was the queen jammer during jam 14 while PocaHotAss stuck to Bradentucky’s jammer Toxic DeMeaner like fly paper until Poca “accidently” tripped the Bratt;

Bradentucky had the power during jam 17 with Nikki Strict-9 jamming alongside blockers Suicidoll, Prosehack, Diva and Signal 20. Gainesville was on the defensive yet Signal surprised Hershall Stalker with a hit that vibrated throughout the rink.

Second Half Highlights

Angels could be heard singing as Bradentucky took the lead during jam 3 thanks to Signal 20 as lead jammer and solid hits from Shitz, Arial and Nikki. Jam ended Bradentucky 60, Gainesville 58;

Two Bombshells were in the penalty box during jam 5 yet Signal 20 was the lead jammer relying on LuLu LaRue and Nikki Strict-9 to slow the Gainesville derby girls;

Suzie Bonebreaker secured lead jammer status during jam 7 with the Bombshells highlight coming from Esther Gin N’Juice’s defensive moves to slow Suzie. Unfortunately for the Bombshells, following this jam they would no longer lead the game;

Ester Gin N’Juice captured the lead jammer star over Brawlin Brat but her run was rudely disrupted when Gainesville’s Hershall Stalker illegally pushed her off the track;

The century mark was met during jam 13 for Gainesville with Suzie Bonebreaker as lead jammer and the jam ended Bradentucky 74, Gainesville 100.

It’s not very often sports announcers receive recognition but the ones at Hot Summer Fights deserve it. Side of Bacon with Bradentucky and Glyph from Gainesville definitely earn gold stars for their entertaining banter throughout the bout. Commentary covered everything from roller derby strategy to spa treatments to karaoke. Where else but roller derby can this kind of entertainment be enjoyed?

Before the Bombshells skated in their last bout of the season, roller derby fans kicked back cold ones during a lively tailgating party in the rink’s parking lot compliments of Bradenton’s The Distillery Tavern. Prior to the game’s 6 p.m. start, Johnny SxFk infused the rink with a rockin’ beat.